Kids Say the Darnedest Things

Do you remember the show Kids Say the Darnedest Things with Bill Cosby? It was a family favorite when I was young. My brother and I weren't allowed to call the show by its full title, though. We called it "Kids Say" because darnedest was a "shortcut swear word." ;) Anyway, I'm here to tell you that kids do say the darnedest things. I am a nanny for three preschoolers. I should know. They entertain me daily with their funny words and phrases. I have to share a few of my favorites with you. So far only Hubby has had the pleasure of hearing me quote my little munchkins. The twins, a boy and girl, are 5. Their brother, H, just turned 4. The girl is a little brown haired beauty. She loves singing, dancing, and being the center of attention. To say she has a flair for the dramatic would be an understatement. ;) Her twin is a little smarty-pants. His math skills and piano playing are impressive! Plus, he's super organized. I've never seen a kid's room as immaculate as his! Then there is H. Oh, H. He's all boy. Basically, he loves anything loud, dirty, and rough.

Twin Girl has picked up the phrase "dang it" recently. The other day we were coloring a picture together and she accidentally used the wrong color. She said, "Oh dane it!" I guess you had to be there, but it was pretty cute. I haven't corrected her because I don't think I should teach her the correct form of her "shortcut swear." Twin Boy has the most adorable speech impediment. I work with him on correct pronunciation, but part of me hopes he'll keep speaking the way he does. Honestly, it's cute. L's are tricky for him, so words like girls and pills become gews and pews. H is constantly asking "what's this" questions or telling me something that he knows. "Guess what Befany..." I hear those three loud, high-pitched words a lot!

"Befany, we can't watch that movie. It's chouched." Translation: Bethany, we can't watch that movie because it has fingerprints and has been scratched. Thank you for your wisdom, H. He is a big fan of "up sleeve" shirts and shorts. You may know them as short sleeve shirts or T shirts. I'm pretty sure he would go out in a blizzard in shorts and "up sleeves" if I let him.

What funny words and phrases do the little people in your life throw at you?

Thursday's Series of Unfortunate Events

I nanny on Thursdays from 7am-4pm. This past Thursday, I left the house at 6:30 with my coffee and my phone and drove through light snow to my employer's house. When I arrived, I realized that I had forgotten my purse. Shoot. I received a text from my employer while I was getting the kids ready for preschool. She asked me to take them out for lunch since the cleaners were coming; and let's face it, it's much easier to clean a house without three little hooligans running around and messing it up in a split second. I explained my forgotten wallet predicament to which she suggested that I take a check from her office and cash it at the bank. I loaded the munchkins in the vehicle and dropped them off at school. The needle on the gas gauge was holding steady on E.

I headed a mile or so down the road to my employer's bank to cash the check. No good. The teller explained to me that I could not cash the check without my ID. A verbal confirmation from my employer wouldn't cut it, either. She suggested that I try another bank (the one the check was from). I drove another mile to the second bank hoping I wouldn't run out of gas. I was denied yet again. Here I was in an empty gas-guzzler without a penny. Praying the whole way, I managed to drive back to my employer's house. The snow was falling more rapidly by the second. After telling my sob story to the cleaning lady who only speaks broken English, I decided that I would have to drive my car back to my house to get my wallet. It was the only way I would be able to put gas in the guzzler, pick the munchkins up from preschool, and be able to pay for their lunch. I had well over an hour to complete this task, so I figured I would be fine. I quickly brushed several inches of snow off my car. Then, I quickly brushed several inches of snow off my pants after a pretty epic wipeout. Since nobody else was there to laugh at my expense, I let out a few chuckles. Could the day really get worse? Don't ever ask that question. The answer is almost always, "yes."

I finally pulled into our driveway twenty minutes later than I had expected. The highway was getting pretty nasty, and I learned quickly that Spokane doesn't know the first thing about snow removal. They choose the "ignore it and hope the temperatures go up" option. I ran in the house, grabbed my purse, locked the door and jumped back in my car. "I still have fifty minutes," I thought, "I'm golden." haha. I slipped my shifter into reverse, pressed the gas, and didn't move an inch! The car was completely stuck in our slightly sloped driveway. Ten minutes and a twenty point turn later, I was inching my way back to my employer's house to switch vehicles, get gas, and pick up the kiddos. I had to call their preschool teacher because I was a good fifteen minutes late picking them up. Moral of the story: do not ever forget your wallet because you will not be able to cash a check, you will almost run out of gas, you will be forced to drive in terrible weather conditions, and you will take an epic fall in the snow.

I should also mention that it took an hour and a half for me to drive 15 miles home that afternoon. It was a good time. Fortunately, hubby came to the rescue and switched vehicles with me downtown so I wouldn't have to attempt the steep south hill in my little Malibu. Trust me, a car named after a warm sunny place is probably not going to be a beast in the snow. The Bronco, on the other hand, definitely is.